Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
