god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
