Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
