I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
