Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
