College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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