I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
