i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize