ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
