I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Two words: blizzard sex
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize