Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
