This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
