I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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