Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
