I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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