the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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