The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
