The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
