It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
