i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we're so committed to being not committed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
