He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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