i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
