the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
