i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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