Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
