i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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