Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
