If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
