Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
