i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
whose parrot is this?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
