It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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