Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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