Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
