The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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