it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
