You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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