this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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