remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
