she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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