my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
