god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
