Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
