No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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