Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
