We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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