I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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