am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
