If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
