Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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