I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize