Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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