Whod you bang
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bring me that man meat
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
