thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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