my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
