You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
