I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
