O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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