is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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