But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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