So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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