two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
