So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
