I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
