He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
