there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
