I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
